We have to write a creative writing piece about our favorite place for English (I’m doing a skiing mountain). I really want to get an Excellence (An A in other countries). I don’t think my story is good enough to get an Excellence so please add/ remove some bits to make it better. Or give me some advice. The 2nd Draft is due in 4 days and I’m freaking out. PLEASE help Here it is:
Mt Ruapehu
The car hummed intently as we closer and closer to our destination. Trees consume my field of vision. Tall pine trees are dotted along the black tar road. Their green foliage blend perfectly into the dry hostile environment. A shaft of sunlight beams through the thin glass window exposing the hidden objects strewn across the dirty car floor. Empty bottles, packets of chips and lollies that sit lonely in an open wrapper reveal the events of the day.
“We’re almost here”, I hear my sister say excitedly. I could spot the mountain in the distance. It’s sharp inclines that meet at the snowy covered tip sends a shiver down my spine. It’s presence is calming. The mountain was covered in a thin blanket of snow which hid the jagged rocks beneath it. The view was idyllic. The icy blue sky complemented the lofty slope.
The car slowed and then came to a complete halt. “We’re here”, I told myself. I ran out of the white Mitsubishi slamming the door behind me. Hundreds of bodies walked towards the slope as if a magnet was drawing closer and closer.
I knelt slowly into the snow. I could already feel the sharp cold seeping into my dry clothes. I ripped off my glove and plunged my hand deep inside of the snow. The snow tickled my hand sending cold shock waves beneath my skin. “This day couldn’t get any better”, I told myself before running frantically toward the snow.
P.S This piece is only meant to be 150-300 words. So it has to be short but sweet. Thanks soooo much I’m looking forward to all of your answers