Im 20, she’s 19 almost 20.Hey I’ve been in this realationship with a girl for about 8 months now, I knew her from in high school a couple of years back, and besides a few things it has been the best relationship of my life, It’s also a long distance one. We would talk on the phone almost every day and we have this amazing thing going, that was kinda cheezy romantic too. Like we would be on skype and watch movies on netflix together, fall asleep together, and sometimes when I couldnt sleep she would talk to me so I could hear her voice as I tried to sleep. Ive seen her maybe 14 days since we’ve dated I’m in the army, so its difficult sometimes, but that 14 days so far is enough for both of us. She was a virgin when we first started dating and I was her first, she was my first too because well, I’m a cheezy romantic and we both were waiting for that right person.
Theres been only one problem in all of this, and It all comes from her complete lack of self confidence and low selfesteem, her father ensured it would never be very high while he was in her life.
About four months ago she told me on the phone that she really wanted to try having some sort of a party, just because she had the house to herself for a month and shes never been to a party before(she never had very many friends before we were dating because she was very very shy) I told her it would be ok, but the next day she called me in the morning and was crying while talking to me.
Shes not used to alcohol because shes been very sheltered her entire life, and that night out of everyone she invited to her house, only 2 guys showed up with a case of beer. In the end, she got dunk, they got drunk, she let one of them finger her (she said no but wasnt forceful, she told me she kinda knew what was going on but hard to be in control) And then that guy told her to give him oral. She didn’t, but her personality and lack of self respect and lack of never having friends she told me that was she was thinking was she just wanted them to like her, so she touch one of the guys “areas” she told me it was about 5 seconds before she realized it was wrong and stopped.
Anyways, the next day, she called me crying, told me all of that, told me she hated herself for it and just wished I wouldnt break up with her because I was the only thing good in her life. I can always tell when shes saying the truth, so I know she meant everything (shes the type of girl that gets really excited about marriage and really beleives in that “one true love” thing.)
Because I could tell that she meant everything slowly I forgave her, a month later we both paid half of a plane ticket so I could fly down and see her for three days.
About four months after that party incident, another thing happened, (just a few days ago). At her work, her manager who spotted her as a “easy target” even before me and her were dating convinced her to do things. Every time she goes to work she usually ends up working with him(she is a waitress) and every time he ALWAYS tried to get with her, before he would go as far as grab her butt during working and say he wants to do things to her, She would always be really good at telling him no, but would never do much about it(in her mind she doesnt like being mean to people or telling them no, again because of her low selfesteem)
What happened a few days ago though, it was just her manager and her working that night, from what she told me, he manipulated he, (shes also very trusting) This guy talked to her and said the usual stuff, and she put her arms out and resisted like she usually does, then as he was trying to grab her he started talking saying how beautiful and pretty she was, and she told me that she just froze becuase he was saying nice things to her that made her feel good. He then kissed her, and she said it was wrong, He kissed her again, and(i dont get this part (she kissed him back). She then told me that he tried to “touch” her, but she resisted that, then he tried to pick her up, then noticed that a janitor was watching and he set her down.
She told she she was horrified and what happened when it did, And she turned her phone off that night and the entire next day, because she told me she couldnt face me after that. She told me that she doesnt know why she did that and that she actually hates that person (which i know is true) before they did those things. She said that she went home that night and just cried the whole night, and she was crying when she was telling me this too.
I need to know what to do, I KNOW she means it when she says she loves me, I just wish she would love herself more. Her dream is for us to be married someday, she tells me im the only person who has ever made her as happy as she literally told me she would probably kill herself if we were not together.